How to Build a Healthy Relationship with a Stepchild

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Marrying someone who already has children can be a challenge, but it can also be an immense blessing. As a step-parent, you get to serve as friend and mentor to the child--you don't have to try to step in as a third parent. Focus on building good rapport with your stepchild and fostering mutual respect and trust. Also, keep in mind that this can be a major adjustment for yourself and the child. They may never fully accept you the way you'd like, but just do your best to develop a civil relationship with them.

EditSteps

EditShowing Interest in the Child

1. Initiate a connection, but let the child set the pace. Allow your stepchild to define the relationship they'd like to have with you. Express your interest, but leave the ball in their court as to how they want to move forward.^[1]
   
   • Don't try to rush in and force a relationship. Simply say, "I have no interest in replacing your mom/dad, but I do want us to have a close relationship. You can think of me as an aunt/uncle or an adult friend. How does that sound?"
   • If they show no interest in getting close to you, back off for a while. They may need time to accept the relationship.
2. Strike up conversations around their passions. Befriend your stepchild just like you would anyone else— by talking about what they're interested in. If you know your stepdaughter is into ballet, ask her opinion on a dance routine. If your stepson likes anime, tell him to catch you up on his favorite show.^[2]
   
   • Once you get them talking be sure to make occasional eye contact and engage in the conversation to show you're listening.
   • Ask open-ended questions that keep the conversation going, like "So, what got you interested in that?"
3. Carve out one-on-one time for something fun. Take an interest in your stepchild's hobbies, share yours, or develop a new one together. This helps you spend quality time together without awkwardly trying to come up with exciting topics.^[3]
   
   • For instance, if they like baseball, throw a ball around in the backyard. If you like woodworking, give them a crash course and teach them to make something.
4. Engage in a way that's comfortable to them. Coming off as a friend to your stepchild can be challenging, especially if the kid is intimidated or standoffish. Help them relax with you by getting on the same level with them. Interacting with them on a comfortable level could help break down any walls they may have built up.^[4]
   
   • If they are on the floor playing with Legos, physically get down there and join them!
   • Don't insist on face-to-face conversations if they're a bit shy. Try interacting with them while playing a video game or watching a movie -- whatever they prefer.

EditBuilding Trust

1. Allow the child to call you by whatever name they're comfortable with. What a child calls you will depend on their unique preferences, but you certainly shouldn't demand they call you "Mom" or "Dad." Have a talk and decide on a name that works for you both.^[5]
   
   • You might say, "So, what would you like to call me, Peter? Let's think of a name we both like."
2. Be open with your stepchild. To forge a bond with your stepchild, you'll need to be forthcoming. If you play your cards too close to your chest, they may distrust you. Distrust can hinder your chances of bonding, so be straightforward and honest.^[6]
   
   • You might say, "Let's start by getting to know one another. Is there anything you'd like to know about me?"
   • Even if they don't have any questions upfront, say something like, "My door is always open if you have questions or want to talk. Okay?"
3. Gauge the child's reaction when it comes to giving affection. As you slowly start building a relationship with your stepchild, it's natural to want to show affection. Before you do this, look for cues that your stepchild is ready and comfortable with your attempts.^[7]
   
   • Do they back away if you put a hand on their shoulder? If not, then they're probably cool with it.
   • You might also ask them how they feel about affection. Something like, "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" should help you figure out their stance on the matter.
4. Avoid being the one to discipline the child. Disciplining should be left to the biological parents, at least at first. Early on, your focus should simply be on building a positive relationship with your stepchild.^[8]
   
   • This doesn't mean you won't have a voice— just let your spouse be the one who verbalizes any punishments.
   • If they want to involve you in the decision-making, have that talk away from the kids.
5. Try to be civil with the child's other parent. One of the most important things to remember here is that you are all part of the same team, and you all have the children's best interests at heart. Regardless of any differences, try to maintain a mature and cordial relationship with the other parent.^[9]
   
   • Don't speak negatively about the child's parent in front of the child.
   • If they have a story to share about their other parent, listen and respond positively.
6. Be patient and extra sensitive. Whatever circumstances brought about the end of your stepchild's parent's relationship, they are likely upsetting for them. Give them time to process all the new changes an make room for you in their life.^[10]
   
   • Your relationship with your stepchild may never be "ideal." Still, by allowing things to naturally develop without forcing them, you'll have a much better chance of building a lasting bond.

EditLiving Together

1. Give stepchildren the same chores and expectations as everyone else. Set clear and firm guidelines about what you expect in your household and have these rules apply to everyone, whether they live there full-time or only on occasion.^[11]
   
   • By giving stepchildren the same rules and expectations, they actually become a part of the family instead of feeling like outsiders whenever they visit.
   • If they are living there full-time, both you and your  spouse should sit down with them and discuss the rules and expectations for your household.
2. Allow space for the child and biological parent to bond. Don't crowd your stepchild or expect to always spend time with them. Give them a chance to be with your spouse without you being present.^[12]
   
   • This shows that you respect the pre-existing relationship and allows them to nurture the bond they share with their parent.
3. Make communication a part of daily life. Talking about things is important in all families, especially blended families. Create a habit of discussing everything during typical routines and rituals so that everyone is on the same page.^[13]
   
   • For example, everyone might share some part of their day during dinnertime. Communication during chores or hobbies helps you get to know each other without the pressure of a face-to-face talk.
   • If the child is resistant to communicating with you, try using personal stories to tell them more about you. They may come around once they know you better.
4. Create space for everyone. Blending households is never an easy thing, but try your best to consider the kids in any household changes you make. Ensure that all children have a space of their own, even if they have to share rooms.^[14]
   
   • You might help them feel more included by asking what paint color they'd like in a bedroom or taking them shopping for decor.
   • Also, give them some freedom to express themselves, such as hanging a sign reading "Daisy's Room" to claim their space.

EditConversation Help

// Conversation with Stepchild about their Interests

// Ways to Build Trust with Your Stepchild

EditTips

• Remember that your stepchild is innocent, regardless of the circumstances. Don't take it out in them if you have a problem with their other parent or your spouse.
• Be realistic. Your stepchildren may never become extremely close to you or act like your children. This does not mean that you have failed or that you are a bad step-parent. Simply strive for a positive, civil relationship.
• Use humor to diffuse tension when it arises. This situation is challenging, but it doesn't have to feel like a burden. Stay light-hearted and open-minded.

EditVideo

EditReferences

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How to Relieve Wrist Pain from Lifting

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A tender, painful wrist can make it difficult to use your hands. Fortunately, most pain will go away once you've rested your wrists and reduced the swelling. Pain relievers and ice packs will make you more comfortable as your wrists heal. Once they've recovered from the lifting injury, strengthen the muscles in your forearms to prevent another injury. Doing simple stretching exercises, using athletic straps, and lifting smaller amounts can protect your wrists.

EditSteps

EditReducing Wrist Pain

1. Avoid lifting or other heavy activity for several days. If you feel pain after lifting, exercising, or stretching, avoid putting pressure or stretching your wrists until the pain goes away. This can take several days depending on how injured your wrists are.^[1]
   
   • Resting the wrists can reduce inflammation and prevent more damage to the muscles around your wrists.
   • Some movement may help your wrists, however, by maintaining your range of motion. You can do normal daily activities, such as typing or cleaning.
2. Do wrist circles to keep your wrists flexible. As long as you do not have any fractures or tears in your wrist, wrist circles can improve your range of motion, reduce stiffness, and promote healing. To do wrist circles, slowly roll your wrist clockwise up to 10 times. Next, go counterclockwise for 10 times.^[2]
   
   • If you need support, wear wrist splints while you do normal daily activities to prevent re-injury. Buy wrist splints from a pharmacy or supermarket. Avoid wearing them for too long, as they could reduce your wrist's mobility.^[3]
3. Apply ice packs to your wrists. Place ice packs on your wrists and hold them there for 10 minutes. You can do this once every hour for the first 1 to 2 days that your wrists hurt.^[4]
   
   • If you don't have ice packs, wrap ice cubes in a wet dish towel and hold these over your wrists. Avoid placing ice directly on your skin.
4. Apply heat to your wrists if the pain continues. While ice is best right after an injury, heat can promote healing and reduce pain a day or 2 after the injury. Put heat on your wrists for 15-20 minutes. Turn on a heating pad or soak a towel in hot water.^[5]
   
   • For the most benefit, alternate heat and ice on your wrists.
5. Get a massage or rub your forearms. Professional massage therapy can relieve wrist pain, reduce swelling, and relieve inflammation. A massage therapist will focus on the muscles in your forearms since these control your wrist movements. You can also rub the inner parts of your forearms near the elbows to get quick relief.^[6]
   
6. Take over-the-counter pain relievers. Buy a pain reliever that will reduce inflammation in your wrists and make you more comfortable. Follow the manufacturer's dosing instructions to take ibuprofen or acetaminophen. You may need OTC pain relievers for a few days after injuring your wrists.^[7]
   
7. Get medical treatment, if necessary. If you've rested your wrist and taken steps to relieve the pain, but it still hurts after 1 to 2 weeks, contact your doctor. If you have a physical therapist, you can also schedule an appointment with them. You should also get medical treatment if:^[8]
   
   • You have sharp pain.
   • The pain is too severe to treat with OTC pain relievers.
   • Your wrist swells up.

EditStrengthening Your Wrists

1. Wrap your wrists with a strap or tape. When you're ready to lift again, protect your wrists from injury before you begin. Wrap your wrists with athletic tape or put wrist straps on before you lift. These can relieve some of the pressure you'll be putting on your recovering wrists.^[9]
   
2. Do bending stretches to strengthen your muscles. Prevent tension from building up in your muscles by gently stretching before you lift. Keep your forearms and elbows straight while you bend your wrists up. Hold the stretch for 30 to 60 seconds. Bend your wrists in the opposite direction and hold the stretch for 30 to 60 more seconds.^[10]
   
   • You can also do this stretch throughout the day to improve your wrists' range of motion.
3. Practice rotating your wrists 3 times a day. Bend your elbows to a 90-degree angle and keep the palms of your hands facing down towards the ground. Hold this position for 5 to 10 seconds. Then turn your hands over so your wrists and forearms twist around. The palms of your hands should now be facing up. Hold this position for 5 to 10 seconds. Do 10 repetitions of these twists about 3 times a day.^[11]
   
4. Reduce the amount you lift. Start with lighter weights than you're used to lifting and gradually add weight as your wrists become stronger. If you add weight and start to feel wrist pain, take a break and use less weight when you start lifting again.^[12]
   
5. Keep your wrists in a neutral position when you lift. Pay attention to how you use your wrists as you lift. They shouldn't be curling or taking on the bulk of the weight. Instead, your wrists should be straight or neutral. Keep the back of your hand lined up flat with your forearm. For example, if you're doing bicep curls, keep your wrists straight as you bring the weights toward you.^[13]
   
   • Consider asking a trainer for tips on how to reduce pressure or keep your wrists straight.
   • If you're struggling to keep your wrists neutral, you might need to change how you lift. For example, to do push-ups, you can push up on your knuckles to keep your wrists straight.

EditThings You'll Need

• Wrist splints
• Over-the-counter pain relievers
• Ice packs
• Wrist straps or athletic tape

EditReferences

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How to Fall Asleep if You're Autistic

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Sleeping difficulties often accompany autism.^[1] If you're one of these people, don't worry—there are techniques you can use to help you fall asleep. This article is written for autistic people, but it may also be useful to parents of autistic children, people with other disabilities, or non-disabled people.

EditSteps

EditPreparing Before Bedtime

1. Be active during the day. This will help you feel tired by the end of the night. Take a walk, ride your bike, hike on a hiking trail, or explore the neighborhood.
   
   • Even leaving the house can help you feel sleepier at night. Try running errands, hanging out with loved ones, visiting the library, or exploring local attractions. If you prefer routine, perhaps joining a scheduled class, club, or activity would help.
2. Give yourself some quiet time to think before bed. If you spend all your time in front of a screen, you might end up getting distracted from important thoughts, and then the thoughts will wait until you are in bed. Give yourself time to process by taking quiet time for yourself each day, without a screen in front of you.
   
   • Avoid taking out your phone every time you are waiting for something, using the bathroom, or doing another mundane task. Instead, process some of the things that happened today. Thinking things over is good for you.
3. Start doing quiet activities to relax. Chat with a family member, crochet, draw a picture, eat a snack, read a library book, listen to soft music, snuggle, or do something else that you enjoy.
   
   • Special interests can be relaxing,^[2] but also may make it hard to stop. Consider using a timer to remind you to go to bed, or having a family member tell you. Find what works best for you. You may want to do something related to your special interest, such as reading about it.
4. Take care of your physical needs. Eat enough food, and use the bathroom. If you are feeling hungry, or feeling like you need to use the bathroom, it can be hard to fall asleep.
   
   • If your family kitchen presents a lot of sensory barriers that make it hard for you to get food, keep non-perishable foods like crackers or trail mix in your bedroom just in case.
   • Avoid food and drinks with caffeine in the evening, like tea, soda, chocolate, and apples. These will likely keep you awake.
5. Turn off screens at least 30 minutes from your bedtime. The bright lights (especially bluish lights) from a computer screen can trick your brain into thinking that it's still daytime, and thus makes it more difficult to sleep.^[3]
   
   • Use a blue light filter on all your devices. Some devices come with built-in blue light filters that you can enable, and others can download apps. Try setting the filter to automatically turn on a few hours before bed, and automatically turn off before you wake up.
6. Pick sensory tools that help with relaxation. Swings, sweet-smelling soaps, and other tools can help you unwind.
   
   • Get deep pressure with a weighted blanket, tight clothes, a bear hug, or a massage. Offer to exchange back rubs with someone in your household.
   • To feel heat, drink hot chocolate, wear warm clothes, snuggle with someone, or take a hot bath/shower.
7. Stim as much as you need to. Stimming is a natural and healthy action that helps you feel balanced. At bedtime, you may use it for self-calming, or to release pent-up energy.
   
   • Rocking, echolalia, squeezing, and humming are examples of stims that can calm you down and prepare you for a good night's sleep.
8. Focus your attention on things that calm you, not things that stress you. Avoid engaging in or worrying about stressful things before bedtime, because it may be harder to fall asleep. Instead, do things that make you feel better, like talking to a loved one, doing a favorite activity, or watching cute animal videos.
   
   • If you're struggling to stop thinking about a problem, try talking to a good listener about what's on your mind. If that isn't available, try a self-help app like Wysa for several minutes. If it still continues to be a serious problem, consider anti-anxiety medication.
9. Take any needed medication and supplements. Stay on top of any medication regimens. Many autistic people's bodies don't produce enough melatonin naturally, and research shows that melatonin supplements can help autistic people sleep better.^[4] This is a low-risk way to correct natural imbalances in your brain.
   
   • Consider doctor-prescribed anti-anxiety medication with caution. If your anxiety is causing you not to fall asleep even after half an hour of trying, a very small dose of prescription medication like Xanax may allow you to fall asleep. Be careful, though, because these drugs can be addictive. Always follow your doctor's advice.

EditCreating Your Bedtime Environment

1. Create a peaceful atmosphere. Darken your room as much as possible, and turn on some quiet music or a CD with calming nature sounds. This will help tell your brain that it is nighttime, and it's time to go to sleep.
   
   • If total darkness bothers you, get a night light, so that you can see if you wake up in the middle of the night.
2. Keep things quiet. Some autistic people have trouble sleeping due to sensory processing issues. Here are ways you can minimize noise:
   
   • Play white noise. You can play it from a website, or find an app for your phone or computer for free.
   • Wear earplugs to bed. Within a few days, you should be used to having earplugs in your ears.
   • Stuff a piece of cloth underneath the door to block outside noise. Try a rug, blanket, or towel.
   • If noise comes from the other side of a wall, place a body pillow between the wall and your head. This will block some sound.
   • As a last resort, wear earmuffs to bed. These will make you sweaty, but will block sound.
3. Surround yourself with comfortable textures. Wear comfy pajamas,^[5] use sheets that don't feel bumpy or stiff, and place soft pillows on your bed.
   
   • If you dislike the feeling of pajama legs shifting up your leg, try wearing shorts or no bottoms, or wearing thick socks to bed. During winter, many general stores sell fuzzy socks.
   • Cut the tags off of your pajamas and stuffed animals.
4. Keep a notepad next to your bed. If your mind wanders to worries or creative thoughts, you can use the notebook to record them. Write down any important thoughts, so that you can stop worrying about them and relax.
   
   • When worrying, ask yourself: "What can I do about this tonight?" Answer honestly. Your answer may be "stop worrying about it and get a good sleep." If this is the case, then stop ruminating on it and focus on something else that is pleasant.
   • Imagine relaxing things: nature, your favorite location, or your loved ones. Think about all the aspects of them that you love.
5. Consider how you'll handle the need to stim in bed. If you tend to lie awake for a while, you may get the urge to stim.
   
   • For wandering hands, try placing a textured thing on your bed. For example, take a favorite stuffed animal or toy to pet and rub.
   • If you rock or shake in bed, try buying a stuffed animal that vibrates. Holding it will allow you to feel input, without requiring movement, so it won't hinder your ability to fall asleep.
6. Don't play on a phone or computer while trying to fall asleep.^[6] The bluish light from the screen will make you feel less tired, and the distractions of the internet can keep you up later than you intended. Instead, keep books at your bedside. Try peaceful stories or nonfiction that will help you fall asleep faster.
   

EditAdjusting Routines and Lifestyle

1. See a doctor if you are following this advice, but still struggling to fall or stay asleep. Everyone needs a good sleep at night, so if you aren't getting it, that's a serious problem. Autistic people are at higher risk for some disorders that can interfere with sleep, and things can get better with appropriate treatment. Ask your doctor for advice. You may have...
   
   • A sleep disorder
   • Epilepsy
   • Mental health problems like anxiety and depression
2. Follow a consistent schedule. Go to bed around the same time every night, and set your alarm clock for the same time in the morning. Getting a consistent sleep schedule will help your body fall into a natural routine.
   
3. Take steps to reduce stress in your life. Stress can make it more difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep. Consider what stresses you out the most in your life, and try to reduce it. Consider what makes you happy, and spend more time doing those things.
   
   • Spend time with loved ones in quiet, peaceful environments.
   • Set aside time to enjoy your special interests. Your special interests matter, and engaging with them will help your mental health.
   • Think about whether you're pushing yourself too hard, or worrying too much. Listen to your self talk and seek to improve your self-esteem.
   • Allow yourself to be autistic in public.^[7] Excessive self-monitoring will take away energy from other, more important things.^[8][9] Being visibly autistic can be frightening, but it's also freeing.^[10]
4. Come up with a routine to follow before bedtime every night. When you start following the routine, it will signal that it's time to wind down for the evening and prepare to go to sleep.
   
5. Use the quiet time in bed as an opportunity to practice relaxation exercises. This will help you become good at the exercises for daytime use, and make you feel tired at night.
   
   • Practice progressive relaxation in bed.
   • Take deep breaths, originating from your belly. Listen to your breathing and imagine that it is the sound of ocean waves crashing over your body and receding.
   • Imagine that you are in one of your favorite places. Think about what you see, what you hear, smell, touch, etc. Imagine it in great detail.

EditTips

• If you use lots of sound-blocking techniques, you may not be able to hear a regular alarm clock. Try placing a vibrating alarm clock in a pajama pocket, pillowcase, or the side of a tube sock.
• Modify the room temperature as needed. If you tend to get hot at night, have the air conditioning start running 30 minutes before bedtime.
• Consult your doctor if you have long-lasting sleeping problems. You may have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder, anxiety, or another problem.^[11]

EditRelated wikiHows

• Make Yourself Tired So That You'll Fall Asleep
• Recognize Signs of a Sleep Disorder
• Sleep when Stressed
• Fall Asleep Fast
• Sleep Better
• Calm Down by Using Your Senses
• Detect the Warning Signs of Stress Early

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How to Arrange a Courier Pick Up

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Courier services provide fast pickup and delivery services for high-value goods or urgent documents. In order to use a courier, you must schedule a pickup time for a representative from the company to come get your package. To ensure proper delivery, you should prepare ahead of time and make sure you have followed the courier directions for a proper pickup.

EditSteps

EditSelecting a Courier Service

1. Prepare your package for courier pickup. Select an appropriate-sized box or envelope and place your item inside. Make sure if you're sending something fragile that your packaging is cushioned and your item is secure. Once you have your item or items in the appropriate package, seal the parcel with packaging tape.^[1]
   
   • Depending on where you are located, there are some restrictions on what you can and cannot mail. Items such as explosives, gasoline, aerosol, and ammunition are normally prohibited. Check the website of the national postal service in your country to ensure you are not mailing something that is prohibited.
2. Measure the parcel you'd like to send. Carefully measure the length, width, and height of the box. If you have a kitchen scale, it will also be helpful to weigh the parcel as well. This will help you get a good idea of how much you can expect to pay for courier service. Many courier sites will ask you to input the parcel's dimensions and estimated weight when you book the pickup.^[2]
   
   • If in doubt, overestimate. This will help you avoid additional charges later on.
3. Search for courier services that pick up near you. Some courier services only work within specific areas or countries. Many work internationally. To get the most accurate results, do a search of your city or town name and the words "courier service." This should yield a number of companies that provide service to your area.^[3]
   
   • You should also check the delivery address to ensure that the courier service will deliver to that location. Most websites will have an address checker tool.
4. Compare prices for shipping your parcel at different companies. Narrow your search by looking at the prices listed for courier service based on the dimensions that you measured for your parcel. Compare different companies and see how their prices differ for the size package that you have.^[4]
   
   • You should also consider the type of parcel being sent and if it has any requirements such as temperature or extra care when delivering, as these can incur added fees.
5. Check the pickup hours and delivery options offered by the courier. The service will likely require you to be present for pickup, so you will want to make sure you can be home during the hours specified. You might also look at any time guarantees that they might make, especially if you are working within a time frame.^[5]
   
   • Some courier services offer drop off locations. This might work best for you if you are not able to be at home during the day for pick up.

EditBooking Your Pickup

1. Create an account with your chosen service. This process will vary by website, but will normally require you to input some information. You will likely be asked to enter your name, address, phone number, email address, and some form of payment information. This will make the process of arranging a pickup much easier.
   
2. Select a location for pickup. If you would like the package picked up from your house, simply use your home address. However, if you are working from another location, make sure you carefully enter the address to avoid any confusion. Some couriers will allow you to select a time, but many places give you a window of time that your package will be picked up within.^[6]
   
   • Depending on the location you are sending the package to and the time frame it will take to get the package there, the price will vary. Make sure to check the price once more before booking a pickup time.
3. Pay for and print your label. Once you have selected a location, you can confirm your pickup and pay. This will generate a label for your parcel that you can either print out and affix to the packaging, or simply copy the label information onto the package in clear handwriting using a marker.^[7]
   
4. Wait for collection by a courier. The courier should arrive during the time allotted by the company. Be patient and make sure you are home during this time. If your courier is late or doesn't show up, call the customer service number provided on the company website or in your confirmation email.^[8]
   
5. Track your parcel. Once your parcel is picked up, you should receive an email for tracking or be able to use your confirmation number provided. This will let you see where your package is located from pickup to delivery at any point.^[9]
   
   • If at any point you see that your package is delayed, or if it gets delivered incorrectly, tracking the package can help you ensure that the problem is dealt with quickly.

EditReferences

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